If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
