What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
