Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
