her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
