I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
