dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
