yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
