So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
