I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's like heaven, but drunker
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
