I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
