Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
