Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
