just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
