I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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