Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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