I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
