Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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