I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
