My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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