Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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