If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
