It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
do nipples grow back?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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