hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
