You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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