Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
