Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
