I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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