You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
