Umm I'm too high to move.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
