I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
