i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
