i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
