sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
