plz talk dirty to me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
