He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
