it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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