I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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