Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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