Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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