I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
