I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
