I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
