I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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