oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
