That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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