dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
