it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
