my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
