The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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