Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
