Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
