he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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